Bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers, etc. There are a lot of people who could make the cut for your wedding party—and it’s all up to you to choose. Feeling the pressure? I wrote this blog to take that unnecessary pressure off and simplify your decision-making.
When you picture your wedding, how have you dreamed the line-up would be? BFFs stretched across the stage? Small and intimate with close friends? This is the first thing to think about when deciding who you’ll pick for your wedding party. Pick a number based on how you’ve always pictured it and stick with it.
While you may be tempted to check with your spouse to make sure your numbers match, I don’t recommend it. You’ll either feel limited, or feel like you have to ask your second cousin twice removed to make sure your numbers match. Worried about photos looking uneven? Trust your photographer. If they’re good at their job, no one will ever be able to tell from your photos! Need a wedding photographer? Hello, nice to meet you. 😉
A lot of times, choosing your wedding party can feel like you’re deciding who is worthy, who deserves to be a part of your day. Try not to think about it in this way—that’s too much pressure! The best way I can put it is this: think about who means the most. When something exciting happens to you, who is the first person you want to tell? Who do you want to celebrate with? Equally, if something tragic happens, who do you want to mourn and weep with? Who has been there for you at rock bottom? These are the people you want standing next to you, and the people will support your marriage in the future.
It sounds harsh, I know! But you can’t let someone else’s potential reaction sway your decision. You shouldn’t feel obliged to ask someone to be a part of your wedding party just because you were a part of theirs or for any other reason. So don’t be afraid to hurt feelings. It sounds selfish, but this is your day! As I mentioned above, you want the most important people to be by your side.
As traditional wedding practices are being cast aside (thanks COVID!), you really have the freedom to structure your wedding party to your liking. As weddings get smaller and more intimate, some brides choose not to have any bridesmaids and opt for a big bachelorette trip instead. Others don’t include family in their wedding party and choose to honor them in another way. Some people include members of the opposite sex in their wedding party, while others choose not to include children and have a dog as the ring bearer. There are no rules! You get to decide how your day looks.